Parrots...

[Thom]

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.
I have just bought a female parrot But she seems to know only to say one thing.'
'What does she say?' the priest inquired.
She says, 'Hi, I’m a hooker! Do you want to have some fun?'
‘That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,

Then he thought for a moment. 'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem.
I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your parrot over to my house,
and we'll put it the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrot to praise and worship,
we should fix your parrot in no time.'
The woman was most relieved, ‘Thank you,' she responded

The next day, she brought her parrot to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrot in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrot cried out: “Hi, I'm a hooker! Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence.
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, 'Put the beads away, Frank.
Our prayers have been answered!'

[Tom]

Sent this to my 94-year-old, very catholic, mother-in-law today. It 'made her whole day!'

[Thom]

Australian Tax Office

At the end of the tax year, the A.T.O. sent a tax inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.

While the taxman was checking the books, he turned to the executive of the hospital and said: “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. I imagine there's a lot of wastage there. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?"

"Good question," noted the executive. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll."

"Oh," replied the taxman, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.

However, he was now well mounted on his favourite hobby horse and ready to be critical.
“ What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"

"Ah, yes," replied the executive, who actually hadn't a clue, but rising to the challenge.
"We save that too and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they send us a free bag of plaster."

"My, my, an answer for everything!" responded the auditor, who also fancied himself a bit of a wit.
"What do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?"

“Here, too, we do not waste," answered the executive.
“What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick.”