Carpokes Porsche Forum

Ladies, Gentlemen (and 'others', in our 'WOKE' American society), I propose a solution to that pressing problem we all have: What to do with all those wilting cabbages, rotten potatoes, curdled Sauerkraut stalks and organic waste materials we are all now being advised to dispose of separately from our regular waste materials in major US urban areas! Instead of letting them collect in a basement bin, why not do something a bit more creative with them?

Now I am what some generously call a "prosaist", most merely call a writer, and more than a few snarky folks overtly disparage as a 2nd-rate word-slinging hack. I habitually write about a range of subjects and focal areas, not least being occasional stories about Porsches. Or should I qualify that a bit and more precisely say "mostly about 914 Porsches." It's cheaper than keeping regular appointments with my local psychiatrist, since I've already generously helped him expand his palatial mansion in a ritzy section of this berg I live in (Suckatomato...the arm-pit State Capitol of Californica), by virtue of all our sessions, (and probably also defrayed about 25% of his 2025 992.2 911 Carrera Porsche 's purchase price to date).

At any rate, In a rare moment of comradely charity, while working on my Screaming Yellow Zonker (my 1974 914-4 named 'Jezibel') this afternoon, it occurred to me that you might like to vicariously share some of my conversations with that car (that now does double-duty as my mechanical mentor-confessor).

To that end, below are the URLs for a series of five installments of a brief series written up for the local chapter of the PCA's monthly newsletter, titled 'Swan Dreams (Porsche 'Ugly Duckling' syndrome)', which is mostly about the VW/Porsche Typ 47 (otherwise known as the Porsche 914, produced from about 1969 through 1976 before falling into snarky Porsche Limbo and disappearing from Porsche dealer showrooms).

If you find them mildly amusing, thoughtful or even if they give you mild GI indigestion (Bismuth Subsalicylate, commercially known as 'PEPTO-BISMOL' is great for taking care of that, BTW) fine and dandy. However, if they provoke foaming at the mouth, virulent disapprobations of the socio-political sort and/or the urge to violently throttle someone (not your car), just pack up all those spoiling, rotten organics veggies and send them to me...a sort of virtual act of expiationally throwing them bodily in my direction, just like old time Vaudeville audiences did when a comedian's act bombed horribly! Your choice!

Thus stated, below are the 5 sequential pieces mentioned above.

1) Swan Dreams-1 (https://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewsh ... p?id=70098)

2) Swan Dreams-2 (https://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewsh ... p?id=70099)

3) Swan Dreams-3 (https://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewsh ... p?id=70100)

4) Swan Dreams-4 (https://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewsh ... p?id=70101)

5) Swan Dreams-5 (https://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewsh ... p?id=70102)

This will be/should be interesting and fun. Will peruse the Swan Dreams in due time. Cheers!

Well I perused , and I have lived to tell about it! Humorous , wacked out, and oddly comforting to know there are other carbon based life forms who commune with inanimate objects. The only thing I found curious was that the apparently astute scholar of letters felt the need to see a psychiatrist, when we all obviously know our cars often talk to us. Since he is from Suckermento I will simply give pause and recommend said witty writer grab a glass of a fine Sonoma red and go out to his garage , toasting his love for his dear Jezebel - appropriate name for a 4 wheeled mistress. I highly recommend fellow " Carpokes " take a Porsche perusal ( as blueline suggested ) , it will lighten your heart and maybe even explain the lust you have for these winsome little beasts !

WillyDaP wrote: Sat Nov 02, 2024 6:22 pm Well I perused , and I have lived to tell about it! Humorous , wacked out, and oddly comforting to know there are other carbon based life forms who commune with inanimate objects. The only thing I found curious was that the apparently astute scholar of letters felt the need to see a psychiatrist, when we all obviously know our cars often talk to us. Since he is from Suckermento I will simply give pause and recommend said witty writer grab a glass of a fine Sonoma red and go out to his garage , toasting his love for his dear Jezebel - appropriate name for a 4 wheeled mistress. I highly recommend fellow " Carpokes " take a Porsche perusal ( as blueline suggested ) , it will lighten your heart and maybe even explain the lust you have for these winsome little beasts !

Indeed, some fine Sonoma Red (as well as couple more of some Swiss Rhône Dôle...try getting that in the USofA!), maybe even a glass or two of Ayatollah Red (I have several bottles of it, left over from 15 years spent in the trackless Arab wastes). I suspect Jez is as susceptible to good reds as I am, for whenever I imbibe a glass near her stall, her carbs get a bit 'hiccy.' Or maybe it's just my decreased manual mixture adjustment dexterity level that seems to decrease directly proportionate to the vin level in my glass! [Thanks for vetting the 'Jez Chronicles!' Yer a peruser among perusers, Sir!]

" Ayatollah you not to drink so much wine , Bill, " commented my lovely wife of Swedish heritage. Closest I have come to your vintage bottle of grape fermentation.

I've just finished 'Swan Dreams-3' as I proceed through the five "Dreams" chronologically. Fun and enjoyable reads!

Gotta throw out a few lines from #3 that caught my eye (there are more but these will do for the time being):

"And if VW and Porsche had been able to overcome the curse of mixed parentage (as well as survive economic tectonics of the 70s) and give the car the support it cried out for, the 914 would today be fully exonerated in the eyes of even the most ETOH-sodden Porscheophiles and long-since welcomed into the ranks of Porsche greatness, instead of forever consigned to the 9th circle of Porsche Conditional Hell."

"I look to the example of the, in my opinion, absolutely stunning, beauty and superb mechanical execution of the contemporary Porsche Typ 718 Cayman, which is such a masterfully appealing exercise in styling and configuration (despite its Dihydrogen Monoxide cooling) that it threatens to overtake and replace the long-in-the-tooth 911 progeny on the Porsche buyer food-chain. [I can hear some of you out there gasping, clutching your throats and uttering soft ‘horrors!’, ‘blasphemy!...’”]"

To badly paraphrase the Colonel Kurtz quote: "...the prose....the prose..." (I suppose "horror" would work well too if re-substituted.)

And since we're off the rails here (what else does one post in a thread with 'rotten cabages' (sic) in the subject line?), here's more Pork Lips Now from Col. Kilgore: “If I say its safe to surf this beach, Captain, then its safe to surf this beach!”

Somehow, synching to the Cowabunga vibe, knowing that Charlie is waiting in the bushes at the treeline, just above the beach, would sorta take all the fun out of waxing up the board, after Col. Killgore's pronouncement. "God how I love the smell of overheated, air-cooled Porsche engines in the early morning!"
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